Marriage Mondays? But it’s Tuesday. Exactly. For weeks now you have been receiving Marriage Mondays on Monday (brilliant, huh?) So how did you feel when your expectation was not met yesterday? Disappointed? Slighted? Neglected? Forgotten?
Marriage Expectations
We all go into marriage with expectations. When I got married I envisioned a picturesque married life straight out of the Crate & Barrel catalog. So when we arrived home from the honeymoon we blissfully unpacked the wedding gifts and started playing house.
At first, we loved married life. We laughed, we dined with friends, and we enjoyed referring to each other as “my husband” and “my wife.” (Yes, I am embarrassed to admit I was that girl. Don’t worry, it only lasted a month. I blame it on my honeymoon hangover. But I quickly snapped out of it and returned to the cynical girl you all know and love. Whew! I know you’re relieved.)
My first year of marriage was supposed to be just like the Crate & Barrel catalog promised: new dishes, fresh linen placemats, and hurricane candles perfect for dining on the back porch with new couples’ friends. And it was. But it was also filled with lots of other things the catalog forgot to mention.
Like arguments and unmet expectations and hurt feelings. Why didn’t they include those things in their glossy 5×7 catalog? Where was the tearful bride on page six? Or the frustrated husband on page twelve? I want my money back Crate & Barrel! Your citronella candle did not keep the mosquitos away nor did it fix my marriage.
So what do we do when this one life—and in particular marriage—does not deliver quite like we anticipate? How do we respond when our expectations go unmet?
Unmet Expectations
Expectations are all about us. About what we want. Think about it for a second. What are some common expectations in marriage?
- I expect the hubs to take out the trash.
- The hubs expects me to feed the kids. Every. Single. Day.
- I expect the hubs to deal with all things car-related.
- The hubs expects me to shave my legs. This isn’t Europe, people.
There are days I just feel like popping a bag of popcorn and throwing it on the table for our three littles, but I know the hubs has slightly higher expectations than that. So I try to reach the bar by adding a few slices of turkey and maybe even some cheese cubes. Protein, carb, fat. Winning!
When it comes to marriage and expectations, author and speaker Gary Thomas has it figured out. He writes, “What if God created marriage to make us holy instead of happy?” Ouch. There you have it, folks. Don’t shoot the messenger.
When it comes to life—and marriage—God asks us to do three things (Micah 6:8):
- Do justice
- Love kindness
- Walk humbly with God
None of these three things can be accomplished if we waste time complaining about unmet expectations.
FulFilled Expectations
The irony in all of this is that we can sit around and dream up all the expectations we want. We can circle everything we want in the Crate & Barrel catalog. We can create our online registry. Yet at the end of the day, God controls the outcome.
“’For I know the plans I have for you,’ declares the Lord, ‘plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.’” (Jer 29:11, NIV)
Maybe we should spend less time with the catalog and more time in God’s Word. One will surely set us up for disappointment. The other will meet your expectations every time. So throw that catalog in the garbage. I dare you. Then ask the hubs to take out the trash. Ask your wife to shave her legs. My guess is it’s an expectation in your marriage too.
