For the past six months, raising our five kids (ages 11, 9, 7, 2, and 6-months) has felt like wrangling flying monkeys. Sometimes I feel like I’m not raising five kids, but two separate sets of kids: the older three and now the younger two. And it’s becoming apparent that the older three kids experienced a completely different baby and toddlerhood than the two littles: one controlled, predictable, intentional toddlerhood vs. one chaotic, wheels-off, help-me-I’m-drowning experience. It’s like the hubs and I are conducting our own little social experiment, and the results might not be desirable (some parents save for college; we save for therapy).
For instance, I nursed my older three kids and was such a fanatic about it that I pumped enough extra milk to fill a deep freeze! I BabyWised my babies so hard that even my husband was on a schedule and you better believe I homemade all their baby food for fear of letting GMO’s, gluten, and any other preservative in the house (until Girl Scout Cookie time rolled around). If oils had been around back then, you bet I would have jumped on that bandwagon, too.
The problem is, I wasn’t doing any of this out of joy or motherly instinct. I was prompted by social “rules,” peer pressure, fear, and my Type-A, over-achieving personality.
Fast-forward to today as I mother our two littles–I hardly recognize my mothering game. Since both kids came to us through foster care, formula was mandatory, which brought relief and freedom into my mother-hood. Schedule? What schedule? The only schedule we’re on is the one that gets the older kids to soccer practice on time. The littles are just along for the ride. And the only thing homemade is—nothing. Doritos, Frosted Flakes, and baby food from a jar are all bought with coupons. Can I get an Amen?!
And I still haven’t jumped on the oils bandwagon. It’s just One. More. Thing.
Lessons I’ve Learned
I’ll continue to ride the wave of this mothering adventure and pray I don’t fall off my board. Even though I’m raising kid #5, most days I’m still figuring things out as I go. And I am humbled and grateful that God is teaching me new lessons about parenthood every day.
One thing He has taught me lately is that I don’t need to live up to anyone else’s expectations—even my own. As long as it is healthy, safe, and morally, legally, and ethically sound (that should be obvi but sometimes you gotta state the obvious), and works for my family, I can make my own rules when it comes to parenting.
If I want to give my babies formula for their health and my sanity, I can give them formula. If I want to put them on a schedule, I can put them on a schedule. If it’s easier to drag them along wherever we go, so be it. As long as my decisions are prayed over, thought through, and work well for our family, there is no right or wrong answer in parenthood . . . that’s why there are so many choices. Parenting is subjective. Children are complex. They have different needs and preferences; different backgrounds and DNA. Only you know how to nurture your child—not your neighbor, not your best friend, not even your mother.
And my parenting style might change depending on the child and the season of life. As long as our decisions align with Scripture, we’re good to go!
So let’s all take a collective deep breath and agree to listen to our Savior, pay attention to our children’s needs, and not make our decisions based on the approval of others.
Am I now trying to win the approval of human beings, or of God?
Or am I trying to please people?
If I were still trying to please people,
I would not be a servant of Christ.
– Galatians 1:10, NIV
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