Some of you might know that yesterday was a big day for me–I turned the BIG 4-0. I’ll admit, I feared the day like a cat about to plunge head first into a bubble bath. A couple weeks ago I even posted the following on Instagram and Facebook:
“I admit, it’s less than 3 weeks away and I am DREADING the impending 4-0. I know I’m supposed to be all, ‘Its just a number,’ and ‘I am woman, hear me roar.’ But I’m not where I thought I would be at 40 … can I please stay 39 forever?”
Many of you messaged me encouraging words that should have ushered me into January 9th with joy, but your well-wishing fell flat on my deaf ears and heard heart.
For many years I have wrestled with this stay-at-home mom gig. The minute people ask, “What do you do?,” I cringe. Our society feeds off accomplishment, entrepreneurship, and status . . . none of which apply when your main job description revolves around watching Peppa Pig and discovering new uses for Magic Eraser. As a strong-willed ESTJ, spending the past 11 years (plus many more to come) on mundane tasks such as diaper changing, nose wiping, and lunch-fixing has taken a hit to my ego.
I had an entire blog post dedicated to turning 40. I’ll spare you the depressing monologue and just say it sounded a lot like my Insta post. (Wah Wah)
I was all ready to click “Publish” until . . .
I heard the sermon that changed my perspective on turning forty.
This isn’t a sermon recap because I wouldn’t do my pastor or his sermon justice. But if you wrestle with your place in life or God’s call for your life (or you know someone who does), I HIGHLY recommend you listen to this sermon and get ready for God to change your perspective and your heart. I heard it at my church and it was one of those moments when God knew exactly what I needed to hear when I needed to hear it. Maybe you need to hear it too.
Here are a few of my takeaways:
- I spend too much time placing my identity in WHAT I DO and not in WHO I AM.
- Subconsciously I buy into the lie that people will only like me–even love me–if I give them something valuable (my time, my money, my talents, my resources). No one could possibly want to spend time with me simply because God created me. That makes no sense in our commodity-driven world. So I produce and create and offer and serve in hopes of earning other’s affections. The problem is, all this frenzy rarely delivers the return on investment I anticipate, and I end up disappointed and frustrated. Even though I wrote a book on this subject, God is still working in me. Clearly I am a slow learner, but God is a patient god.
- I place too much importance on earning a paycheck.
- Most people who grew up in the depression era maintain the scarcity mentality. I’m convinced the same applies to children who grew up in single-parent homes. I remember not being able to buy groceries until the next paycheck, buying clothes on layaway, and bouncing from place-to-place because we could no longer afford the rent. This instability taught me to fear finances . . . a concern that still holds a loose grip to this day.
- Some days, in a moment of clarity, I’ll take a deep breath (thank you yoga!) and look at the big picture. Even when I was paying my way through college, God never left me. Even in the early days of our marriage, when Brandon and I were paying off mountains of student loan debt, God always took care of us. Even as we juggle five kids, God is providing for us financially.
- So what does a paycheck really mean to me? Why do I find it so important? When I stop and ask myself these questions, I realize that a earning a salary means I have control over tomorrow. It means I have status. It means someone finds value in what I do.
- Yet, none of this is true. It is all the Enemy’s lies fed to me in one heaping spoonful so I will no longer crave God’s truth. I’ve decided to spit out this foul substitute for food and instead feast on Scripture which says:
For this reason I say to you, do not be worried about your life, as to what you will eat or what you will drink; nor for your body, as to what you will put on. Is not life more than food, and the body more than clothing? Look at the birds of the air, that they do not sow, nor reap nor gather into barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not worth much more than they? – Matthew 6:25-26, NASB
- According to Ephesians 2:10, I was created “to do good works.”
- For many years I thought I was created for one, monumental, golden task and somehow I’ve missed the boat. However, now I realize Scripture says I was created “to do good WORKS,” not “ONE good work.” God has MANY works planned for me–and for YOU too. Some I have completed, some I am working through right now, and others He has not yet revealed to me (thank you, Lord.) God’s plans for me are only limited to my obedience.
- How many of you are waiting for God to reveal His audacious plan for your life, like Moses and the burning bush? All while you kill time in the same old job you hate, living the safe life you’ve created, and wondering why you wake up dissatisfied every day.
- My desire to have a career is driven by my desire for self-promotion.
- Over the past couple years I’ve sat in a counselor’s chair and dug deep to learn a lot about myself. One thing I determined (thanks to the Enneagram Type Indicator) is that I have a high need to feel valued (yes, I actually paid a lot of money to have someone tell me that. I’m sure you, my readers, could have diagnosed that for free.)
- As I listened to my pastor’s sermon, I knew my desire to have a career was driven by a place of self-promotion, a desire to feel important and receive accolades. Our pastor explained that a calling is intrinsic–it promotes others. While a career is extrinsic and promotes oneself.
- The lightbulb went off as he continued to describe the difference between our calling and our career, between intrinsic and extrinsic work. I finally realized the work I have been pining away for for so many years revolved around ME. The work I get to do on a daily basis as a part of my calling revolves around my husband, my children, my readers, my community, and so many people I will never meet. Through writing, speaking, mentoring, teaching, equipping, encouraging, and advocating for the least of these, I am living out God’s call for my life. What a privilege!
- Maybe someday I will have a career. Maybe not. And that’s O.K.
- God has graciously orchestrated my life so that I can live out my calling. Not many people can say that.
- I have a husband who provides for us financially and encourages me to lean into the gifts God has given me. For all the years I wrestled with my place in life, he never wavered. He was steadfast and confident in where God had me. He was encouraging and gracious even when I didn’t deserve it.
What About You?
- Do you attach your identity to what you do, instead of to who God created you to be?
- Do you find validation in your accomplishments instead of in your relationship with Jesus?
- Do you place more importance on earning a paycheck instead of doing something that fulfills your soul? Practically speaking, some of us need to work and pursue a career to fulfill financial obligations. But is your career your god? Is it prohibiting you from answering God’s call for your life?
- Do you believe God has one big thing for you to accomplish in life, or many small things for you to do? What is that one big thing or many small things?
- What drives your desire for a career? Self-promotion or something else? Explain.
- If you never have a career, are you O.K. with that? Explain.
- What is God’s call for your life?
